Then there was Chase, cool (and as round) as a cucumber, a total rockstar amongst the kids in my sister’s neighborhood who would come to her house and ask if they could play with her dog so they could dress him up in costumes, ride him like a pony, or lay on him like a pillow. As long as he was getting a pet and people were involved, he was into it.
Finally, to break up the long dynasty of Golden Retrievers, Charity owned a little white Cantonese named Suri, a happy lap dog who weighed 10 lbs soaking wet.
Forever, my sister’s dogs were her kids and my other siblings and parents all treated her dogs like our nieces, nephews, and granddogs.
Charity also loved Harleys.
She loved the spirit of freedom and ruggedness of Harleys. A rebel at heart, Charity loved how Harleys slightly leaned toward lawlessness. The spirit she appreciated in Harleys, Charity also appreciated in men. The nickname for Harleys is hogs, an adjective also attributable to many of the men she dated.
This lawlessness of motorcyclists isn’t unique to Americans. Oh, no. Now, this is completely my opinion, here, but one thing that I’ve noticed living in France, and my French friends largely agree with me on this, is that the attitudes of French motorists in general, but specifically motorcyclists, whether driving a Harley Road King or a Honda Trail 90, also exhibit a level of blatant lawlessness. Clearly the legacy of French car races like the Grand Prix is in their blood causing everyone on the road to emulate a Road Warrior persona, driving too fast and too aggressive, pedestrians be damned. If it means that I sound like a curmudgeon just because I get annoyed by dodging cars and motorcycles that are driving on the sidewalk or have to sprint with my family through a crosswalk (mon Dieu) just because Road Warrior can’t be bothered to slow down to less than Autobahn speeds, than so be it.
I know, I know, I don’t need to have an opinion about it ….
Somehow, I feel that Charity would more than likely snigger at and condone this moto-mayhem.
Charity always did everything her way and no way was Charity going to ride on the back of someone else’s motorcycle. Being a fiercely independent woman, a self-learner, and because many of the men she dated were often even less reliable than their bikes, she bought and learned to ride her own Harley-Davidson—a silver Deluxe Softail with Screamin’ Eagle pipes and whitewall tires.
She adored that motorcycle.
Every year she would load up her hog on a trailer, attach it to an RV, and haul it from Salt Lake City, Utah to Sturgis, South Dakota to attend one of the biggest motorcycle rallies in the world.
But one year while at Sturgis, her love for motorcycles died after witnessing a horrifying accident that killed another woman rider. Seeing this accident shook her hard and she resolved to park her bike on the trailer and sell it as soon as she got back to Salt Lake.
For a year or two, her Harley sat in the garage gathering dust under her Cowboys on Motorcycles calendar.
Then one day, one of her less-than-reliable ex-boyfriends rolled by to say hi. He suggested they dust off her hog and go for a short spin. On this occasion she uncharacteristically rode on the back and uncharacteristically rode without a helmet.
Not speeding, but taking a turn too sharply, a foot peg caught the pavement and flipped the bike, throwing her headlong into a large boulder on the side of the road, killing her almost instantly. Her ex-boyfriend sustained injuries but survived.
Charity’s sudden and violent death was a massive shock to our family as well as her enormous wake of friends. We just weren’t prepared to lose her.
Over many weeks and months, we gathered as a family and wrapped up her affairs including finding a home for her surviving dogs, Chase and Suri, who were generously adopted by some of Charity’s best friends.
I love Charity immensely but unexplainably, I felt numb about her death for about 18 months or so. I felt guilty about not feeling more than a little grief. I think that I just couldn’t wrap my mind and heart around it.
But eventually, in my own time, I opened up and was able to properly grieve her death, which no doubt was the result of the healing work I’ve done with my personal meditation and Yoga Nidra practice. Oh, and a great therapist. That and I can’t forget the help of a shaman and a healthy dose of ayahuasca in the jungles of South America.
It took a while but through all of this I came to realize that my relationship with Charity didn’t end. My friend, Tiffany Burns, is a fellow Yoga Nidra teacher, a River Writing facilitator, and the founder of Continuing Connections. It’s a business that uses Yoga Nidra and writing to help people who have lost loved ones to maintain and even improve their relationships with their past loved ones. In exploring how to use Yoga Nidra to deepen her work with her clients, she opened my eyes to understand that you’re not meant to “get over” someone who has passed. Rather, you get to create continuing connections with them in an ongoing dialogue of symbols, memories, and meaning making.
I suppose that is what this story is all about.